WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Illustration by Andy Paciorek

HONORABLE MENTION, Fall 2021
The Ghost Story Supernatural Fiction Award

BY WESLEY SCHALLER

Julia’s father had been calling her. Julia’s father was dead. It was a weird one.

“It can’t be a prank,” she said. “It sounds just like him. It sounds too close.”

I said, “What’s his location?”

She said, “I think they dumped his ashes in the ocean.”

“The location of the call,” I said. “What’s the area code?”

I heard a sound from her end. I looked out the window of my studio apartment. It was starting to rain and a streetlight was flashing on and off.

“I’m checking my call logs,” Julia said. “Hold on,” she said after a while.

“It’s in your head,” I said.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “I’m not hallucinating,” she said.

“Well, you’re hallucinating,” I said.

“I’m clean,” she said.

“That’s not what I mean,” I said. “What I mean is you’re not sleeping. Insomniacs can hallucinate stuff.”

“Is that true?” she said.

“I finished pre-med,” I said.

We’d met in the program. She dropped out after she missed too many classes. We stopped spending time together. But sometimes we talked on the phone.

“I’m gonna look that up,” Julia said.

“Look it up, then,” I said.

“It’s just so weird,” she said.

I put her on speaker and searched for a video on my phone. I wanted a cooking video. I’d have a drink or two and I’d listen to the chef and try to sleep.

“I’m so tired,” Julia said.

“What does he say? Your dad,” I said. “When he calls, what does he say to you?”

“I don’t want to say,” she said.

“Come on,” I said. “What does he say?”

Then Julia said, “That’s a long talk.”

* * *
I awoke late in the night. I got up and stepped through the dark living room to the bathroom and flipped the bathroom light switch.

But when the light came on, it was the living room that appeared in front of me. I looked around. I was standing in the bathroom, like I was coming out of it. The living room ahead of me was lit up now.

I turned around and used the toilet.

Climbing back into bed, I saw the cooking video still playing. It was a strange thing. The chef had gone missing. The kitchen was full of food, a pot boiling. But there was nobody around. I watched for a while, and the chef did not return, and I couldn’t stay awake.

* * *
I had a headache in the morning. Water didn’t help. I slipped on a shirt, got in the car and got over there quick.

First they needed my weight. Then my temperature and my pulse. Finally, they looked at my blood.

They sent me to a bed. A woman came over and said, “All ready?”

She put a cuff around my arm, wiped my skin.

She said, “Any plans for the day?”

“Nope,” I said.

“It’s good to just relax,” she said.

“It is,” I said. My head was pounding.

She took out the needle. “Tight fist,” the woman said. I did this and closed my eyes and felt the sting. I watched the blood travel through the tubes, and then it turned yellow. After that I went to the store and got two bottles.

I didn’t drive home right away. I sat in my car until I felt better.

* * *

“He took me into the garage,” Julia said. “He said he wanted to teach me something.”

Julia said, “We’re in the garage, and he pulls down the door. Then, well, that was the first time he did it.”

I sipped my drink. I had the television on, but it was muted.

Julia said, “Anyway.”

I said, “How’d he die?”

“Overdose,” she said.

“Painful?” I said.

“Probably,” she said. “Meth can get you going.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I said, and finished the drink.

“It gets you going pretty good,” she said. “That’s what got me.”

“Did you tell anyone?” I said.

“About what?” she said.

“When he touched you,” I said.

“I didn’t know I should tell someone,” she said. “He told me to keep it a secret.”

“How long did that go on for?” I said.

“Until he got arrested,” she said. “But not for that. He got caught dealing. I was an adult by the time they let him out.”

“So the drugs saved you,” I said.

Julia laughed, and said, “They saved me all right.” She said, “What about you?”

“What about me?” I said.

“Your childhood. I don’t think you ever told me about it,” she said.

I went to the freezer and got some ice to put in my glass.

“Hello?” Julia said.

“What did you say?” I said.

“Do you get along with your father?” she said.

“I did,” I said. “He’s not with us anymore.”

“And your mom?”

Outside the streetlight was still coming on and then off again, over and over.

“It’s been a while,” I said. I shut the blinds. I stared at the television. A history show was on. They had skulls lined up on a table. They were pointing at the chips and cracks in these skulls.

“I should go,” Julia said.

“Wait. Did you get another call?” I said.

“I get a call every night,” she said.

“So you’ll get one tonight,” I said.

“Thanks for that,” she said.

“You should be prepared,” I said.

“Prepared how?” she said.

“Record him,” I said.

Julia was silent. I said, “Look. If you can show yourself that you’re dreaming, maybe it’ll stop. Maybe the calls will stop coming.”

“I’m not dreaming,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. “Then record his call.”

“Why should I?” she said.

“He’s harassing you,” I said. “Whoever it is. You ought to get it on record.”

I let her sit with that.

“Maybe,” Julia said.

* * *

I was shivering. I didn’t hear the chef or his cooking. The bed covers were pushed aside. I got the covers back on me, rolled over, and I saw something peeking out from behind the kitchen wall.

I got a rush. I blinked.

It was the freezer door.

I moved out of bed, got the kitchen light on. I looked around the door, and realized why I hadn’t heard my phone. My phone was in the freezer.

I reached in and grabbed it.

A call was going. A video call. But the screen was dark. “Hello?” I said. I said, “Is someone there?” I tapped the screen. I didn’t recognize the caller’s number.

I shut the freezer, was about to hang up the call, but I saw something move on the screen. Just barely. “Hello?” I said.

It moved. It seemed to glisten. Its shape widened, pushing out of the darkness. It became a white circle. Then I understood. It was an eye.

It watched me.

“Who is this?” I said.

“Who is this?” I heard from the phone.

The eye vanished. There was a muffled sound and something else appeared. Now I could see the full figure of a man.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hello?”

I raised and moved my hand. The man did the same.

I was seeing myself.

I almost dropped the phone. I gave a fast look at the bed, hurried into the living room. I turned on every light. I went to the window. But what was the point? I lived on the top floor.

The phone beeped.

The caller hung up.

* * *
I looked up the number the next day. Many names came up in connection with the number, none that I knew. I didn’t want to call it.

Three nights went by. I gave Julia a ring. She spoke as if she didn’t recognize my voice. But pretty soon she told me about the last call she’d gotten.

“He was moaning. It sounded like he couldn’t breathe,” she said. “It was the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Can’t you stop answering?” I said.

“You think I haven’t tried?” she said.

“Well?” I said.

“I wake up already on the phone with him,” she said. “It’s like I’m answering his calls in my sleep.”

“Turn the phone off,” I said.

“And just let him run my life?” she said.

I went to the fridge. I ate the last slice of lunch meat. “It’s a weird one, that’s for sure,” I said.

Neither of us said anything for a while.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Julia said, almost whispering.

“Like what?” I said.

“Anything,” she said. “We talk all the time and I feel like I barely know you.”

“You know me,” I said. I lifted the window. I looked for the streetlight. I said, “What was rehab like?”

“Awful,” she said.

“In what way?” I said.

“Well, imagine you’re told you have to stop breathing, or you’ll die,” she said. “If you keep breathing, you’ll die. That’s what it feels like to get clean.”

“Did you make any friends there?” I said.

“You have to be friendly to make friends,” she said. “I was living in misery. I guess I still am,” she said and laughed. “I’d kill for a good night’s rest.”

“Did you ever use again?” I said.

I heard her let out a breath.

“Just wondering,” I said.

“Wonder about something else,” she said.

“Did you record that call?” I said.

“Can we stop talking about that?” she said.

I glanced at the trash. It needed taking out. A few empty bottles stood on the floor. “I’ve been turning my phone off at night,” I said.

“You?” she said. “Why?”

I checked the cabinets. But the cabinets were empty. It was past ten.

I said, “Want to get a drink with me? You’re allowed to drink, aren’t you?”

At first she didn’t answer, then she said, “I just realized I haven’t seen you since I quit school.”

“So?” I said.

“We live on the same street,” she said.

“That’s right,” I said.

“That’s weird,” she said.

“I’m going to the bar,” I said. “You coming?”

* * *

The lights were low and the music was up. The bartender didn’t see me. I moved past the crowd and spotted Julia.

“I thought I might catch up to you,” I said.

She shrugged. “I didn’t feel like waiting,” she said.

“You look nice,” I said. She had bags under her eyes.

“Oh my God,” Julia said.

Two seats opened up and the bartender came by. I asked for a whiskey. Julia also took whiskey, with a splash of water.

* * *
I was trying to make her laugh. She was having a lot of drinks, and she shouted at the bartender to turn up the music. The bartender rolled his eyes.

“I’m not making it up. It’s not in my head,” Julia said. “I know the difference. Not everything is the way you think it is,” she said.

“But why’s he calling?” I said. “Let’s say it is a ghost. Fine. Why’s he calling you then? Why now?”

She swallowed from her glass, chewed the ice, and said, “Forget it.”

I said, “Let’s see your call logs.”

“I told you to forget it,” she said.

I said, “What’s your problem?”

She gave me a stare. Her eyes were bloodshot.

“Remember you asked if I used again?” she said.

“Sure,” I said.

“Well I did, but not in the sense that you mean,” she said.

I didn’t say anything. Julia laughed. “So do you want to hear about it or what?” she said.

I didn’t know where she was going with this. I said something like that. I said, “I don’t know.”

“Really?” she said. “How about you get us a round? Then you’ll know.” She stood up and grabbed onto the bar. “Or are you still saving for med school?” she said.

“I can buy you a drink,” I said.

“All right, then!” she said. “About time!” she yelled very loudly. She snapped her fingers twice. The bartender came over and said, “That’ll be it for you.”

“Me?” Julia said.

“You need to stop now,” the bartender said. “I’ll get you a water.”

“What?” Julia said, still gripping the bar. “I didn’t order any water.”

“She’s okay,” I said.

“She’ll be okay with a water,” the bartender said.

“Horseshit!” Julia said and pushed off. I watched her walk away and go to an empty table. She had to remind herself how to sit in a chair. She would’ve tipped over if not for the wall.

“Sorry,” I said to the bartender. “She’ll be all right.”

The bartender pointed at my glass. I nodded.

* * *
I waited a few minutes and went and sat next to Julia. She gazed at my drink.

“Tell me about it,” I said.

“Never mind,” she said.

I turned around. The bartender was busy at the register. I took a good sip, then slid the glass toward her.

Julia picked up the glass. Then the glass was empty.

“Well?” I said.

She shook her head and started rubbing her eyes. She said, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Doing what?” I said.

“Talking about this,” she said.

“So what should we talk about?” I said.

“What about you?” she said. Her head hit my shoulder and she let it stay there. She put her hand on my thigh. “Well, what about you?” she said.

“What?” I said. “What about me?”

She laughed. Her body was shaking against mine. She laughed for a long time. “Remember you asked if I used again?” Julia said.

“We can change the subject,” I said, and I felt her shake.

Julia said, “What happened to your dad?” Her breath was hot on my neck.

“Hunting accident,” I said.

“He got shot?” she said.

“It was an accident,” I said.

Julia went silent. I thought she might’ve fallen asleep. They’d turned the music down. But then Julia lifted her head and she whispered something in my ear. Something I wish I didn’t hear. Something no one else will hear.

* * *
I stopped answering her calls. My phone kept ringing. It went on and on like this. Eventually she left a voicemail.

She said, “I recorded him. I’ll send it to you.” There was a long pause. She cursed and muttered something I couldn’t make out. “I’m e-mailing you. I only have your university email. Please listen to it. Please call me. I’m sorry I told you about it.”

She began crying, and she hung up.

I was listening to this message, and the woman doing the tests asked me to put away the phone. She said my temperature was fine, my pulse was okay, but when she tested my blood, she said I didn’t pass.

It was then that I decided to call Julia back.

* * *
There was an eviction notice taped to my door. I tossed it in the trash. I kept trying Julia, but now her phone was going straight to voicemail. I walked down the street. I found her apartment house.

I knocked.

Then I tried the handle.

I called her name and stepped inside. I saw clothes spread out over a small couch, the tags still on the clothes. An air mattress had been deflated. I went into the kitchen. Dirty dishes covered nearly every surface, and a baked cake on the counter gave off a terrible smell. The cake hadn’t been touched. I noticed a bottle on top of the fridge. I unscrewed the cap and took a few sips.

I looked into the bathroom. Plastic cups, stacks of them, crowded the sink in there.

I opened the window by the couch and stuck my head out. I could see another dead streetlight. This light wasn’t flashing.

I saw the garages. One of the doors was up.

* * *
“Did you know she was using?” the officer said.

I sat on the steps in front of her place. The officer took out a notebook and pen. “She told me she’d quit,” I said.

The paramedics closed up the ambulance.

“Were you two close?” the officer said.

“We talked now and again,” I said. “On the phone. I was trying to help her. I mean, we just talked.”

“You weren’t using with her?” he said.

“I keep away from that,” I said.

“You ever help her buy drugs?” he said.

“No,” I said.

“If I ask around, I’m not gonna hear you were selling to her, am I?”

He asked many questions. He wanted to know everything. “You have family here in town?” he even said.

“Why?” I said.

“If we can’t get a hold of you,” he said.

“Will you need to get a hold of me?” I said.

“We might,” he said. “Just to follow up. Who should we contact if we can’t reach you?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “My landlord, I guess.”

The officer wrote in his notebook. “Okay. You can go,” he said.

“What about you?” I said. “Are you gonna figure out what happened?”

“I can’t comment on that,” the officer said. “They’ll have to run some tests.” He said, “You can go now.”

I’d stashed the bottle in some bushes. I came back for it later.

* * *
She’d sent the e-mail. I was about to open it, but first I opened my bag and took out what was left of Julia’s bottle. I sat on the bed.

She was naked when I found her. The garage had smelled of urine.

I finished one drink and poured the last bit.

Then I opened the e-mail.

There was no recording. There wasn’t even a message. It was a blank e-mail. An empty subject. Nothing. So I turned the ringer all the way up, set the phone down, and waited.

“I was living in misery,” she’d told me.

Maybe she can tell me about dying in it.

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